Things that the Akatsuki would never say...

Itachi:
"I am filled with tender love for my family."
"Kisame, you'd be GREAT with tartar sauce. Sorry, buddy, but I'm getting hungry..."
"Sasuke, you sweet little guy! Let big brother hug you!"
"That pink-haired girl is pretty hot."
"All your base are belong to us."
"I just love my sweet little brother..."
"Kisame sure looks tasty."
"Tobi x Bluey forever!"
"Come and glomp me, my fangirls!"
"I love my fellow Akatsuki! Group hug, people!"
"My mascara makes me handsome."
"I love being a weasel. They're so cute!"
"Don't you just love the online Naruto forums?"
"Gotta love that kyuubi kid. His loyalty to his friends is awesome."
"Watching Pokemon gets me so inspired to catch bijuu."

Kisame:
"Suigetsu is my little brother."
"Man, I hate the ocean. I can't wait for another oil spill."
"I like to glomp Itachi."
"Who cares about the environment? Go ahead and toss trash into the ocean!"
"I'm prettier than Itachi."
"I have this attraction to goldfish."
"'The Little Mermaid' is the best romance movie ever!"

Deidara:
"You know, I wonder if I actually am a girl. It's been a while since I've checked..."
"Tobi, you're the best partner EVER!"
"I really need to change my haristyle. It looks like a pomeranian's butt."
"I have this problem with athlete's foot... Do you think that putting explosive clay on it would help?"
"Paris Hilton- a hero to blondes everywhere!"
"*Sniff* Sasori-danna died before he could pay me back the money I loaned him..."
"I've finally decided to take the Ritalin the doctor prescribed for me ten years ago."
"Art is really lame, actually."
"Tobi really is a good boy!"
"I'm taking up pro football."

Sasori:
"Art is a bang."
"Puppets are for little kids. From now on, nothing but giant robots!"
"I just need a hug..."
"Yes, I know that I look like Gaara. That's on purpose! ...the ladies love him..."
"Ah! It's so cozy inside of my puppet-armor. It's a great place to take a nice, quiet nap..."
"I'm so glad that they replaced me with someone as competent as Tobi. I know that he'll take good care of Dei-chan."
"ITACHI! You are going to be my next puppet!!"
"Muppets forever!"
"Gaara is actually my long-lost brother. That's why we both have red hair."
"The Mona Lisa is actually a picture I did of myself in drag. The secret message is that I like to pull random pranks."

Zetsu:
"A hamburger? No thanks. I'm a vegetarian, you know."
"I'd never eat anything that isn't kosher."
"You know that flower shop on the corner, near to the mall? That fern in the window there is HOT!!"
"Tobi is a very, very bad boy."
"Lalalalalala. It's springtime. Time to pollenate!"
"I like to sleep in a terra-cotta pot. It makes me feel secure."
"Does anyone know what happened to Kisame? I was going to eat him..."

Tobi:
"War and Peace really is a good book, but I think that some of the plot devices are a tad contrived."
"I'm in love with Sakura."
"I'm actually Haku! I never really died... Kisame rescued me." [editor's note: if only this were true... TT_TT]
"Wow! Sweet lolita is awesome, sempai! I had no idea that you had A WHOLE CLOSET of this stuff! Can I try some of it on?! Can I?!"
"I love to spear fish."
"I'm a very bad boy, actually. ;)"
"I'm actually a kunoichi."
"Itachi, guess what?! We're cousins! But you can't kill me like you did the rest, because I trained under Konoha's Handsome Beast, Might Guy!"

Hidan:
"I've decided to follow Mother Theresa's example and spend my life serving the human race to show them the love of God."
"A body? Who needs it??..."
"'Love your neighbor as yourself...' You know, that's not a bad idea...."
"The scientologists don't allow pain-killers? Awright! Sounds great."
"My grey hair makes me gorgeous."
"Now, now, we musn't use bad language! Think of the example we're setting!"

Kakuzu:
"I've decided to sell everything that I don't need and donate the money to help little children who are sick in the hospital."
"I've decided to start giving my extra income to help impoverished families in Africa."
"Money? Who needs it?"
"Hidan- I'm actually your grandfather!"
"I love to help people without them knowing about it- especially with secret money donations."

Things that the Akatsuki would never say...

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